Midstream
Why have counselling before marriage?
Most couples spend months planning a wedding and much less time planning the relationship that follows. Pre-marriage counselling gives you a calm, neutral space to talk about the things that tend to cause friction later, while you're feeling close and hopeful.
It isn't a test you can pass or fail, and it doesn't mean something is wrong. It is a chance to understand how you each think, notice differences early and practise talking about them in a way that feels respectful.
What topics are covered?
Every couple is different, so sessions follow what matters most to you. Common topics include:
- Communication: how you each raise concerns, listen and show you care.
- Conflict: what happens when you disagree, how arguments escalate and how you repair afterwards.
- Money: earning, spending, saving, debt, shared and separate accounts, and what money means to each of you.
- Family: relationships with parents and in-laws, boundaries, and the patterns you grew up with.
- Children: whether, when and how many, and your hopes and worries about parenting.
- Intimacy: affection, sex, closeness and how to talk about changing needs over time.
- Expectations: roles, household tasks, careers, where you'll live and what a good week looks like.
- Faith and culture: traditions, beliefs, celebrations and how you'll honour both backgrounds.
You'll also look at your strengths as a couple, because knowing what already works is just as useful as knowing where you differ.
How does pre-marriage counselling work?
Pre-marriage counselling is usually a short series of sessions rather than a one-off. The first session is about getting to know you both, what you'd like from counselling and which topics feel most important. Later sessions explore those topics, with practical tools for communicating and solving problems together.
Between sessions you might be invited to try small exercises at home, such as a weekly check-in or a conversation about money values. The number of sessions depends on what you want to cover and is something you decide together with your counsellor.
Sessions can be in the room at 450 Doncaster Road, Doncaster VIC, about 20 minutes from the CBD with easy access to the Eastern Freeway, or online by secure video, which suits couples who live apart, work long hours or live outside Melbourne. This is individual counselling for your relationship, not a group course or a set program.
Who is it for?
Pre-marriage counselling suits any couple preparing for a bigger commitment, including:
- Engaged couples planning a wedding.
- Couples about to move in together.
- De facto couples wanting to strengthen their foundations.
- Couples entering a second marriage or blending families.
- Same-sex and transgender couples.
- Couples from different cultural or faith backgrounds.
If there is fear, violence, coercive control or abuse in the relationship, joint counselling isn't the right first step. Please seek individual support: call 000 in an emergency, 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Who will we see?
Sessions are with Elena Basova, a relationship counsellor with a Master of Counselling from Monash University and a registered member of the Australian Counselling Association. Her approach is person-centred, integrative and attachment-informed, drawing on EFT, Gottman-informed relationship counselling, ACT, CBT and Internal Family Systems. Read more about Elena, or see couples counselling and what to expect in your first session.
Frequently asked questions
What is premarital counselling?
Premarital counselling is counselling for couples before marriage or another big commitment, such as moving in together or blending families. It helps you understand each other's expectations, practise talking about hard topics and agree on how you'll handle conflict, before problems set in.
Is pre-marriage counselling the same as a pre marriage course?
Not quite. A pre marriage course is often a group program with set content. Pre-marriage counselling at Midstream is private sessions for just the two of you, shaped around your own relationship and questions.
How many sessions do we need?
Most couples come for a short series of sessions. The exact number depends on what you want to talk through, and you can discuss this at your first appointment.
We don't have any problems. Is it still worth it?
Yes. Pre-marriage counselling works well when things are going smoothly, because it's easier to talk about differences when you feel close. It can also give you shared tools for the harder seasons that most relationships go through.
Do we need a referral, and is it covered by Medicare?
You don't need a referral. Medicare generally doesn't cover counselling with a counsellor, but some private health funds offer rebates under extras cover, so check with your fund. Current session options and fees are shown when you book online.
Can we do it online?
Yes. Online sessions run by secure video anywhere in Australia, and you can join from the same room or from different places.