MidstreamDo we need couples counselling? Take the free 2-minute relationship check-in
Ten quick statements to help you reflect on where your relationship is right now, with a gentle suggestion for what to do next. Free, private and done in two minutes.
Take the relationship check-in
Why we made a relationship check-in
Many couples wait a long time before reaching out, often because it's hard to tell whether things are "bad enough" for counselling. The truth is there's no threshold you have to reach. Counselling can help in a hard season, and it can also help a relationship that's basically good stay that way.
The check-in is designed to help you pause and notice patterns, not to give you a label. It takes about two minutes and you can do it alone or together.
What the check-in asks
You'll see ten short statements and choose how often each has been true over the last few months: rarely, sometimes or often. They cover the areas couples most often bring to counselling:
- Arguments that keep coming back without being resolved
- Disagreements that escalate quickly or end with someone shutting down
- Topics you avoid because they always go badly
- Feeling more like flatmates than partners
- Affection, intimacy or sex fading and being hard to talk about
- Trust shaken by secrecy, an affair or broken promises
- A big life change knocking you off course
- Feeling unheard or misunderstood
- Struggling to repair after a fight
- Wondering whether to stay together
There's also one separate question about safety.
What your result means
Your answers add up to a score out of 20, and you'll see one of three results:
- Mostly calm water: things seem fairly steady. It's a good time to invest in what's working, and some couples choose a check-in session or pre-marriage counselling.
- Some choppy stretches: a few patterns seem to be getting in the way. This is often the best time to get support, before problems become entrenched.
- Rough water: things have been hard for a while. Counselling can help you slow down, understand what's happening and find a way forward, together or apart.
The result is a starting point for a conversation, not a clinical assessment. Only you know your relationship.
When safety comes first
If you feel afraid of your partner, or controlled by them, joint couples counselling usually isn't the right first step. The check-in will point you to individual support instead. You can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 at any time, or 000 in an emergency. Lifeline is available on 13 11 14.
Doing the check-in together
Some couples each complete it separately and then compare. It can open up a useful conversation: where do you see things the same, and where differently? If it turns into an argument, that's useful information too, and something a counsellor can help with.
What to do next
If your result suggests counselling could help, you can book a session in the room at 450 Doncaster Road, Doncaster VIC, or online anywhere in Australia. No referral is needed. If you'd like to know more first, read what happens in a first couples counselling session or signs your relationship could use counselling.
Frequently asked questions
Is the relationship check-in really private?
Yes. It runs entirely in your browser. Your answers are not sent anywhere or stored, and the page forgets them when you close it.
Can one partner do the check-in alone?
Yes. Many people take it on their own first. You can also each do it separately and compare your answers.
Does a high score mean our relationship is over?
No. A high score means things have been hard lately, not that the relationship can't change. Many couples who come to counselling during rough patches find a way forward.
Is this a diagnosis?
No. It's a reflection tool to help you think about where you are. If you're struggling with your mental health, talk to your GP or call Lifeline on 13 11 14.